Twilight Sparkle Goes On A Date With An Armchair
by Prime Jeremy
Summary: Twilight really likes chairs... maybe a little too much.


"AND THEN I SAID CHERRYS? ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

Twilight was at sugar cube corner hanging out with her friends, laughter rang out at Pinkies joke, though it was only Pinkie and Twilight laughing, "oh Pinkie, your a riot, but it's late, and I need to get home it's passed Spikes bedtime." Twilight said with a smile.

"How was that even funny? It made no sense at all!" Rainbow Dash said not understanding how cherries were funny.

"She's right though I need to go too, I'm exhausted from working at the sanctuary all day, I need to sleep so I can do it all again tomorrow", Fluttershy said with an exasperated sigh.

Well then it's settled then see you, girls, later she said grabbing Spike in her magic and ran out of Sugar Cube Corner.

"Bye Rarity!" He called, he turned to Twilight, "why are you in such a rush to get home Twilight?"

"Because it's passed your bedtime and I need to grade some tests from my students tonight." She said as they walked into the castle, she kicked the door closed behind her as they came in.

"Oh, okay, but I'm a grown dragon I don't need sleep, I can help you with the test grading."

"Thank you spike, but no its bedtime whether you like it or not."

"Can you at least put me down then? I can take myself to bed thank you." He said annoyed,

"Sure just get up there and get in bed."

"Yeah, yeah I get it." He grumbled under his breath as he walked to his room, Twilight didn't care though, she trotted to her library, a sly, seductive smile on her face as she trotted in. She closed and locked the door behind her and sat in her reading chair as she levitated a magazine to herself, it was a furniture magazine. A deep blush appeared on her face as she opened the magazine, a big smile came to her face, "oh yeah, that's the stuff baby." She said, her blush deepening and drool slowly starting to trickle down the side of her mouth.

On the first page were a couple of regular wooden chairs, to the average pony it wasn't much but to Twilight it was the good stuff, of course, this was just the appetizer the best was yet to come.

She turned the page to a deck chair, she shrugged, they were kinda scrawny and not really her type. She liked how its legs looked though, her face reddened a little more, she couldn't help the sudden stiffness of her wings at the sight of the chair, she turned the page again because she was getting a little too excited again and found a desk chair, she felt her wings stiffen even more at the sight of the well-kept physique of the chair, her wings were so stiff they ached and she groaned in annoyance, this happened every time she looked at these magazines. Twilight turned the page to an armchair and gasped at its beauty her wings stiffened so much they felt link they almost felt like she was having a charlie horse. A big pervy smile came to her face, "yes… this is the one THIS IS THE ONE!" She declared with excitement. She closed the magazine and took out her phone dialing the number on the back of the magazine, she didn't even have to look at it because she had done this so many times before she had memorized the number. The phone rang a while and finally, it picked up.

_"Ugh, hello princess Twilight, the person on the other end said with exhaustion in their voice."_

"Hi, there! I'd like to order form your catalog please." She said happily, ignoring the fact the person on the other line seemed to be fed up with her after only thirty seconds of talking.

* * *

Twilight was in her study studiously doing Twilight stuff, when the doorbell rang throughout the castle, she stopped what she was doing and looking up with a big smile plastered to her face. "It's here! It's here, it's here its, here it's here!"

She quickly teleported outside the front door, "whoa!" Yelped Derpy as she jumped back in surprise, her pupils rolling in circles like crazy in opposite directions. Eventually, her pupils slowed and finally came to a halt. At first, being perfectly straight and looking right at Twilight but then slowly going in opposite directions until they were in opposite corners if her eyes. Twilights smile never changed despite this, "o-oh, hi Twilight, I have a package for you, it's a big one too!" the armchair Twilight had ordered stood in between her and Twilight. She stared right into the eyes of Derpy who she startled unfazed by what she had just said, "sign please." She held a pen out to her with one of her wings and gave a big smile, her eyes somehow grew even more apart at this.

Twilight took the pen in her magic and was about to sign but quickly stopped, "wait", she looked at Derpy and the package suspiciously. One eye closed and the other staring deep into her soul.

"Um, is something wrong Twilight?" Derpy asked, her head cocked at an angle and one of her ears lowered nervously afraid she had done something wrong.

Twilight didn't answer instead, she turned her gaze upon the chair she then put her face onto the chair and took a big whiff smelling it like a dog smells something you put in front of it. Then she licked the chair, slowly and roughly dragging her tongue across it so hard it pushed the skin of the chair back a bit, "ahhhhth" she said as she did so. Finally, she ripped her tongue from the chair and looked to the sky deep in thought smacking her lips as she processed the taste for a few moments. Suddenly her face brightened into a big smile, "it's perfect!" she shouted joyously.

"Yay!" Derpy exclaimed happily most likely having no idea what was going on, Twilight then signed her name paid the said bit amount.

She then teleported herself and the chair to her study, leaving Derpy alone on her front steps. She put the chair in a corner of the room and locked the door to make sure no one came in and disturbed them. She used her magic to dim the lights and set a table in front of the armchair with a white cloth and a candle in the center of it all. She then set a plate of fancy dinner on either side of the table she put on some romantic music to help set the mood and finally sat herself down to meet her date. She levitated two wine glasses on either side of the table and poured wine into the glasses, she sighed happily, she had finally gotten everything ready. She leaned on the table putting her hooves under her chin she batted her eyelashes smiling as she did so.

"Sooooo, do you come here often?" The chair didn't respond, it just sat there silently, Twilight levitated her wine to her lips and took a sip before setting it down. I see your the strong silent type, I like the strong silent type she said giving a wink to the armchair. The armchair still said nothing. Twilight cleared her throat, so what do you do for a living? Still no response. Twilight leaned over the table and set her hoof on the edge of the arm chair, I feel like we're really making a connection here. A deep blush formed on her cheeks as she stared into the center of the armchair lovingly.

Suddenly a knock came to the door, "Twilight? Who are you talking to in there?"

"STARLIGHT GO AWAY! I'M um… STUDYING!" Twilight yelled annoyed that her date with her possible future husband had been interrupted.

"For what?" Starlight asked curiously still pushing the issue.

"UGH, STARLIGHT GO AWAY I'M BUSY WITH VERY IMPORTANT PRINCESS STUFF!" She yelled now beginning to get angry. The door handle shook and the door shook as Starlight tried to open the door. "STARLIGHT STOP IT I AS PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP ORDER TO STOP RIGHT NO-" Twilight froze in horror and surprise as Starlight teleported inside the room. Starlight and Twilight stared awkwardly at each other for a few minutes.

"Um….. Twilight… what exactly are you doing in here?" Starlight asked in the most awkward way possible.

"I-I can explain!" Twilight said blushing from embarrassment, Starlight stared at her expectantly. She sighed, "well…. You see…" she hesitated before inhaling a deep breath and letting it out. "I just… really like chairs."


End file.
